{enitnelav}{valentine}

Saturday Garret and I went to Calvert, a neat/dead/quaint town about 30 minutes down the road. We strolled down main street (which is highway 6). We ate amazing food at Loretta's cafe. We read historical/hysterical markers. I ate yummy candies at CocoaModa (Garret was suspicious of that place). We looked at old/neat houses. And we generally enjoyed ourselves - it just quite was a good day!

I bet this house was gorgeous in its day. Garret pointed out how neat the top left window was.

My man :)

We really enjoy all the old buildings in Calvert. They have so much character and history.

We love each other :)

This building is NEAT. It's totally fallen apart and there are trees growing inside of it.

Show and Tell

I've realized lately that I often live my life like a continuous Kindergarten class - I'm almost always playing show and tell.

When someone comes over to our house to visit, I show them things - new creations, photos, books, clothes, etc. Even if the stuff is boring or lame, I have this built-in desire to show people stuff. When I go home to see my family, I bring stuff to show them, and more stuff to work on and produce while I'm there. When my housemates come to my room to chat, I want to show them some new thing that I've got. If I go visit someone and I don't bring anything, it's just me, I feel totally unprepared.

It's like I want to prove something - but what? That I'm a real live girl who's being productive and responsible, and who can make nifty purchases? What does that say about me?

I think that doing this to a degree is normal, but I think I sometimes use these things as shields. Like if I can show my friends and family enough things, then maybe they'll be convinced that I'm competent/okay/together. Maybe they'll think better of me, or maybe they won't question me as much. And I think that personally I link my value to what I can make/buy/do/read.

Just something to think about. Next time I do show and tell for you, please humor me, but also please help me let down my lame-o defensives made of scrapbooks, writing projects, junk and jewelry.

-value-

Where do you get your value from? Where do I get my value from?

.resume?
.weight?
.what your parents say about you?
.grades?
.whether or not that stranger smiled at you?
.what you're wearing?
.completion of tasks?
.what's on your left ring finger?
.compliments?
.possessions?

Whatever value you write on the garage sale tag you've attach to your soul - is that value transient or permanent?
What conditions are there on your worth?
.performance, consistency, appearance, attention, improvement, polished-ness?

And where do we get all of this? Who teaches us that good grades=>valuable human being, or that attention=>wonderful person? And why do we make our self concepts so lazily dependent on the very same lies that shred and cripple us on the inside?

Tonight I was having trouble with a few items on that first list, so I needed to go back to the truth that Father has shown me. After months/years of not understanding this, this is where I've landed...

I am valuable because the One True God made me, loves me unconditionally and unfailingly, offered full redemption to me through His Son, and promises to never forsake me. He values and has compassion on ALL He has created.

{ALL = failures, widows, Asians, untalented, poor, Africans, men, illiterate, women, unemployed, Europeans, criminal, Americans, unattractive, abnormal, exile = ALL}

And, nothing we can do can make Him love us more OR less. Therefore, your value is not negotiable. And neither is mine. God loves unfailingly. period.

"The Lord is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and rich in love. The Lord is good to all; He has compassion on all he has made." Psalm 145:8-9

Ninjas, MIKA, and graduation

As we're finishing up the first week of this semester, here's a random update on me:

• After 6 weeks away from school, numerous souvenirs from overseas, and a general lack of discipline, my room now looks as though several fierce ninjas attacked it. Repeatedly.
  
• I'm taking a graphic design class and I'm excited about it! I'm also taking a class called 'Writing for the Web' - so I'm aiming to really and truly be an English major with marketable skills!
  
• My boyfriend is pretty stinking cool. He quickly forgives me over and over again, makes me laugh, and let's me be crazy :)
• I need to start job hunting. I am finishing putting together my portfolio this week.
  
• Outside of class, I'm currently in the middle of these fiction books - Fireproof, The Inheritance of Loss, and these non-fiction books - The Heavenly Man, True Story: A Christianity Worth Believing in, Celebration of Discipline, The Anti 9-5 Guide.
• My sister Flo gave me a dress form for Christmas. Her name is Betty, and I use her to scare my roommates :)
• My friends Kay and Kristin got me hooked on listening to funky European pop music by this guy MIKA, and it's awesome. My fave song is "Big girl you are beautiful."
• It's so strange that this is my last semester as a college student. I don't feel like an "adult", but I'll count that as mostly a good thing for now.

Last, the thoughts along the same lines as this quote have been on my mind lately...

"Never lose an opportunity of seeing anything that is beautiful; for beauty is God's handwriting -- a wayside sacrament. Welcome it in every fair face, in every fair sky, in every fair flower, and thank God for it as a cup of blessing." -Ralph Waldo Emerson

gggooooooaaaaalllll!

After recently being asked, "So, what's your New Year's Resolution?", I realized that I didn't really have one this year. Kind of. I was out of the country this New Years, and my mind just didn't really ever get to the resolution-making point. At the time, I was more so worried about keeping warm! So, I have goals instead - attempts to implement lessons learned. And yes, I'm trying to stick to just a few, because usually, let's be honest, I bite off WAY more than I can chew. So here it goes, here are my goals for myself:

• Be grateful. (Colossians 3:15-17)
  
  
• Invest in people.
  
  
• Take one pile at a time - when cleaning up your room, and your life.
  
  
• Sleep when you were made to do so.
  
  
• Get a job for after graduation.

I'll be doing my best to focus on baby steps with these, because historically I stink at that and end up finding these lists around July and getting super disappointed with myself. Thanks for reading, and feel free to keep me accountable on these or ask me about them.

Where to start...

So... a lot has happened in the past few weeks. I've finished my next-to-last semester of college, gone overseas for 20 days, celebrated Christmas and New Years without my family for the first time, and learned a lot of new, old, and new-old lessons along the way. One thing on my mind a lot is that I want to write. And I want to write well and for a good purpose. So, here I am blogging, and hoping that this site is a place where 1) I can keep you updated on what's really going on in my life, and we can join in community together through sharing and learning about each others' lives 2) I can express myself by wondering/wanderinng, examining, venting, sharing, and/or pondering 3) I can experiment with my writing and hopefully improve 4) God can use simple, typed words to affect our lives.

The title of my blog is mostly intentional, but also partly last resort after trying to find an un-taken name. I'm learning more and more to profoundly trust the Lord, and trust the people He's blessed me with. I'm learning how to love, how to actually invest in people's lives and not expect service, results, or met-standards in return. I'm learning how to write for different avenues, and seeking an answer for how I could more intentionally write for the Lord. And last, I'm learning how to accept that I fail, I fall short, I screw up - I'm a human that's what I do - and then stand on the Truth that my Father is not done with me yet. He repairs, He restores, He reconciles, and He redeems - that's what He does.

I trust that He has great things in store.

Thanks for walking with me in these everyday adventures. :)