It's been too long / goodbye to Upstream

It has seriously been forever since I've written here. Life has been sweet, but I indeed have not felt inspired to write here. (Also haven't been in a banner-making mood... sorry!)

More explanation, photos, and "writing-it-out" here - http://everygoodandperfect.wordpress.com/2010/05/04/set-your-mind-on-things-above/

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Last Thursday was the last Upstream (EVER) and I'm so glad that I went. Also glad I got a sweet Polaroid shot of All Faith's.

The night was sad and refreshing at the same time.

While we were singing during worship, a lot of things were going on in my head and heart.

Enjoying: singing those songs, in that place, feeling the Spirit bring comfort and reassurance, it was sweet.

Contemplating: praying through how the Lord uses change in our lives - mainly the concept of refinement. I think that he always brings change for a purpose.

Remembering: thinking through all the hard/good/messy times that the Lord wrought in my life through Upstream, and often in All Faith's -- dear sisters fighting to help me believe Truth amidst struggle, prayer team fighting to pray over another Thursday even when the words were hard to gather, me sitting against those wood paneled walls praying for worship "in Spirit and in Truth" and for protection against the Enemy, me praying on that blue-carpeted prayer room alone on many non-Thursdays.

I think it's wrong to give places or ministries or people credit for the Lord's work, but I do think it's valuable to look at those spaces and remember those tangible moments and evidences of God's artful, intricate faithfulness to His children.

I'm thankful for Upstream: for the real-deal friends I grew with there, the Truth that I learned there, and the lessons in prayer that I experienced there. I am thankful that whenever I see All Faith's - whether in person or in my mind or via photo - what I will truly remember is the Lord's utter faithfulness and care during my college years.

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Lord, now indeed I find
Thy pow'r and Thine alone,
Can change the leper’s spots,
And melt the heart of stone.

’Cause Jesus paid it all,
All to Him I owe.
Sin had left a crimson stain,
He washed it white as snow.

Oh, praise the One who paid my debt,
And raised this life up from the dead.

Oh, praise the One who paid my debt,
And raised this life up from the dead.

stories

explored., originally uploaded by lullabysounds.

Everyone has a story. The Lord values each and every person's stories, and therefore I should as well. Sometimes it's hard: I decide for myself that I'm tired of that person's story, or I don't think they're doing it right, and I stop listening to or participating in their story. That's not the way I should walk in.

I think these were 2 of the biggest themes I learned in college:

1. Trust. Trust. Hey guess what, TRUST. Oh, and do some resting and waiting as well. Because, the Lord is the only secure home for your trust and hope and rest. Place your trust in Him - roll your cares and worries and tears into His arms and sit and breathe: it's safe. The waiting will be valuable and He will redeem whatever you think has been lost.

2. Even the people that I may think must have it all together, actually have a story. They have hurts and pasts and struggles just like me. Whether I'm a huge fan of the person or not is irrelevant: God is the one writing their story and so guess what it's quality material. Duh. Everyone has layers upon layers of complex and delicate life. But, when I write them off as unlovable, I miss out on how the Lord is working and I ignore His grace (towards me and my negativity) and His power to redeem each of us and write beautiful life/love stories for our whole selves.

Christmas Truth

I was encouraged by two really sweet things from blogs today. I hope you'll slow down and take the time to view these...

* Here's a neat video about Christmas, that tries to reach out and explain the real heartbeat of Christmas, and its history. For me, it was a bonus that the backdrop for the whole video was wonderfully wintry Londontown.

"That's Christmas" by St. Helens on Vimeo

via Life Together


* A Piper sermon on one of my favorite passages.

...

The Life-Giving Words of Jesus

The two verses are John 6:63 and 68. The link between them is that both refer to the words of Jesus as life-giving. Verse 63: “It is the Spirit who gives life; the flesh is no help at all. The words that I have spoken to you are spirit and life.”

Then, after “many of his disciples turned back and no longer walked with him,”

Jesus said to the Twelve, “Do you want to go away as well?” Simon Peter answered him, “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life, 69 and we have believed, and have come to know, that you are the Holy One of God.” (John 6:67-69)

I love these verses so much. I really identify with Peter's sentiment here a lot of times - I'm not sure about everything, but I do know that there's only one place I can go for Truth and grace, and that's sitting with Jesus. Piper expands on this really powerfully...

No One Like Jesus

And for many of us, what keeps us from going to any of these is the same thing that kept Peter. Verse 68: “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life.” In other words, we may not have all the problems solved—the problems of following Jesus and saying yes to his teaching and his Lordship and his saving work. He may confuse us at times, and baffle us with things he says, and provoke us, and offend us.

And yet, we say with Peter, “To whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life.” No one ever spoke like you. No one every acted like you. No was ever so strong and meek, so tough and tender, so authoritative and gentle, so profound and simple, so powerful and so willing to be killed, so just and so willing to be treated unjustly, so worthy of honor and so willing to be dishonored, so deserving of immediate obedience and so patient with people like us, so able to answer every question and so willing to remain silent under abuse, so capable of coming down from the cross in flaming judgment, and so committed not to use that power.

Come Back, Like the Prodigal Son

Where shall we go? There has never been anyone like you, Jesus. No one ever taught like you teach. No one ever loved like you love.

This is how thousands of people come to Christ. Not without tremendous struggles as they look around for a philosophy of life, a god, a world without God, a world without the sovereignty of God, a world with some kind of explanation that makes more sense of more things. And they come back, like the prodigal son, and say, “Where shall we go? You have the words of eternal life.”

Last Christmas, God graciously wrote it on my heart that Christmas means hope.
Against all odds, against all earthly "wisdom," the Father of the Heavenly Lights brings hope - hope wrapped in flesh and blood. Immanuel.

He alone brings the words of eternal life. Why should we turn to anything else?

... I hope that the Lord will keep placing this on my mind this Christmastime.

the day part of today

The day part of today was pretty darn good.

I Went to bed at midnight last night - got good sleep!

I tried to be more thoughtful and introspective throughout the day, instead of just coasting. I'm beginning to hate coasting. Tried to think on Hebrews 2:1-4, and Deut. 6:5 and Josh 1:8-9.

Lunch break:

funny fun time with Megh & Jules / Skidaddled to the nearby park with the fisheye and Igor (new name for my crotchety new/old Russian camera). / No kids were on the playground! I could climb around and take pictures w/o feeling like a weirdo – yay! / Sat at the top of the playground for a bit and gazed at the clouds. / Shiiiinnnyyyyy, fast-moving, wintery, amazing clouds! / Hilarious roomie email thread involving being “neck-id” (naked). / Getting stuff done at work!

So, Father really energized me with random and fun things, and I was really thankful for that. But then tonight I feel melancholy and introverted. hmph.

P.S. A new banner for December is coming soon.

Modge podge

November has flown by. I can't believe Thanksgiving is only a week and a half away! Awesome! Right? I think so. This entry is going to be a bit of a modge podge. Haven't had real clear thoughts lately, so I'm just going to go for it. Thought I was going to go to bed early tonight, but I think writing will be good. Thanks for reading :)

Tonight I listened to more than one JJ Heller song in a row for the first time, and it has been reallyreally life giving. "Love me" is powerful.


This post from Piper was good. I don't know if I've fully internalized these concepts:

....God's free and sovereign heart-changing work is our only hope. Therefore we must pray for a new heart. We must pray for the "want to":

Incline my heart to Your testimonies. (Psalm 119:36)

He has promised to do it:

I will put My Spirit within you and cause you to walk in My statutes. (Ezekiel 36:27)

I definitely struggle with trying to manufacture my own "want to," putting my confidence in it, and then eventually failing because my strength is insufficient. Sometimes, my own human motivation to do the right thing will work for a good while, and maybe I don't even realize I'm relying on it, but I've learned that it can't truly sustain godly actions. Because, the world and my flesh will thump away at whatever construction paper morals I had been relying on, and one day I will look up and my "want to" is gone without a trace. Grasping through that shame and helplessness towards the neglected power of the Holy Spirit's gracious changing of my soul has been very challenging for me lately.


I really really like this blog. I read the Bright Side Project (and try to win sometimes), and one day I read on there that they had a new weekend editor - Lindsey from A Great Full Day. So, I hopped on over there and was quite pleasantly surprised by the fresh, friendly mix of spiritual Truth, style, and exuberance in her blog. I'm also enjoying this blog that I randomly found. (Both of these ladies' posts often remind me that I too am a font nerd, and really enjoy working with typefaces.)


Along the lines of creativity and typefaces, I've been sitting on a lot of ideas about different prints that I'd like to create. I'd been sketching a lot, but finally spent some time with Illustrator this past weekend. Garret had to go up to work for a little bit on Saturday to transfer some 8mm film, so I tagged along to keep him company. I brought my laptop and it was fun to hangout, help him with his work, work on some of my own projects, and watch strangers' vacation movies from the 60s, lol. So, this is the first thing I came up with.

And here's a zoom of it so you can tell what's going on. A little cheesy maybe, but I got the idea in my head, and was just excited that I could remember how to make my own pattern in Illustrator and apply it.

I've been toying with lots of different ideas of things to design for the wedding, and I'm looking forward to making more of them come to fruition. More is coming soon :)

thoughts on one year ago...

About one year ago, I was trying to decide whether or not to go overseas again. I was stressed and dry spiritually. I didn't want to leave my family during the first Christmas without both my parents' mothers. But, I didn't want to miss getting to see my friends there again and getting to tell them Truth. It was frustrating, because getting back from the summer trip had been really great, and it was senior year, and everything was supposed to be super, but it wasn't - it was confusing, unpredictable.


So God made a way, and I went, even though I was not real clear on specifically why. It was all just hard: from November to February, it seemed like nothing came easy. Gradually, I accepted serious lies from the Enemy that grew into ingrained self-deprecation, doubt and a hard heart.


And the lies didn't really go away after February. So many days, I just give-in tothe lies. They're still around, and it makes me so stinking mad! The Christmas trip was supposed to be refining and beneficial - so why did I internalize so many ungodly habits from it? Did I somehow miss the results phase of the refinement process? What's the purpose in all this battling? And do I even really want to fight for Truth?

Lately, however, I've been hearing the Lord fight for me. I think a lot of people experience this, but for a while now, when I get really down, defeated, hopeless, I hear this cycle of awful, pointed, accusations scrolling through my mind. And, they feel so true so I just allow it and wallow. (Which I realize just compounds the sin, and then I feel worse and continue wallowing.) But, the past couple of weeks when that's happend, I've heard the Lord, my Defender, say something different: "Beloved. Beloved. Beloved." So I can write down all those awful names and scratch them out until there's holes in the journal paper and instead pen "Beloved" - and believe that there is One who loves unfailingly and doesn't give up on people.

Maybe that's a piece of what I was meant to learn from the past year: times will be hard and you will hear lies and they will be persuasive - but Christ is your Defender and He is never passive in your life. Trust his defense, listen and believe what He says about you. Hold onto that truth, and fight the fight.

"My sheep listen to my voice. I know them, and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one can snatch them out of my hand. My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all; no one can snatch them out of my Father's hand." John 10:27-29

Restoration

This past weekend i got to escape to the country. Our family's farm doesn't boast many luxuries, but I thoroughly enjoy the quiet. the loose schedule. the sleeping in. The space. And... the quiet.

And of course, the people. This is my beautiful sister Melissa (Flo) - the best sister ever - and Rocky - the best dog in the whole world. Have I told you about him before? If so, sorry. He is the best dog in the world because he is even-tempered and tough, gentle and wise. Good with kids, and never snarls - except at coyotes. And he has three legs. And he still runs really fast. And my sister loves him a whole lot. Best dog ever.

This is my momma. She likes to go for walks and look for fossils - we actually find a lot out there. She gets pretty excited about interesting rocks. I love my momma!

That's our lake, or at least that's what we call it. A creek flows into it, and the dam that I was standing on to take this photo creates this huge tank. In the bottom of the photo is the valve for the draw-down - turn the wheel to release some of the water out the other side of the dam - but we only use that if the water is way up and... it hasn't been way up in a while.
One time last spring Garret and I were riding on the 4-wheeler and got to watch a gorgeous sunset from the top of the dam. That was a really peaceful moment.

Speaking of Garret, here he is fishing with my dad (while I play paparazzi).
If you asked me what was the most exciting part of this weekend, I would probably tell you that it was taking engagement pictures with Garret in town and out on the farm. We got to be cuddly and sentimental and goofy, and had a blast - despite the drizzly rain! Our photographers are a lot of fun, and we really enjoyed getting to take photos in neat places like inside the old barn (surrounded by hay, old wood beams, and the occasional hornets' nest) and by the "snake house" chimney. We'll get the pictures back in a couple of weeks, so we're looking forward to that!

All that said, if you asked Garret about this weekend, he would at some point definitely, and excitedly, tell you about all the fish he and my dad caught, which was about 20 each. See, last summer our lake turned over because of a process called eutrofication - which I now better understand because of my job - and that caused a fish kill. All this ironically happened right around the time my dad's mother passed away.
Today, the lake has been restocked, the fish have grown, and Dad and Garret caught some that were more than 2 lb.s - which is way exciting compared to zero fish last fall.
A little glimpse of restoration, I guess.

This is our grandmother, with baby cousin Hannah a few years ago. I was in China when Grandmother died. This picture is how I choose to remember her; she had a sweet spirit, loved the Lord, always had a kind answer, and loved to say the 23rd Psalm. I really enjoy remembering stories about her, both nostalgic and poignantly funny ones. ("Who's that walkin' heavy?")

Saturday afternoon, rambunctious Hannah was playing with my grandmother's walker, which for whatever reason still sits in her old bedroom. Hannah's mom, Jen, explained to her that yes, that used to be Grandmother's, but now she doesn't need it anymore because she's in heaven with Jesus and she can walk just fine. Just fine. My sister and I were in the bathroom working on getting my hair ready for pictures when we overheard this conversation, and I'm really glad we did, because I treasured that reminder.
Thank you Jesus for beautiful hope to rest in now, and for the sure promise of ultimate rest, restoration, and glory.

His love does not ebb...

needed to hear this today.


had to post it asap.
made me cry in my office. with the door open, no less.


I'm not a big "The Message" girl, but this is good stuff - Romans 8:38-39 -
"I'm absolutely convinced that nothing—nothing living or dead, angelic or demonic, today or tomorrow, high or low, thinkable or unthinkable—absolutely nothing can get between us and God's love because of the way that Jesus our Master has embraced us."

gggooooooaaaaalllll!

After recently being asked, "So, what's your New Year's Resolution?", I realized that I didn't really have one this year. Kind of. I was out of the country this New Years, and my mind just didn't really ever get to the resolution-making point. At the time, I was more so worried about keeping warm! So, I have goals instead - attempts to implement lessons learned. And yes, I'm trying to stick to just a few, because usually, let's be honest, I bite off WAY more than I can chew. So here it goes, here are my goals for myself:

• Be grateful. (Colossians 3:15-17)
  
  
• Invest in people.
  
  
• Take one pile at a time - when cleaning up your room, and your life.
  
  
• Sleep when you were made to do so.
  
  
• Get a job for after graduation.

I'll be doing my best to focus on baby steps with these, because historically I stink at that and end up finding these lists around July and getting super disappointed with myself. Thanks for reading, and feel free to keep me accountable on these or ask me about them.