It's been too long / goodbye to Upstream

It has seriously been forever since I've written here. Life has been sweet, but I indeed have not felt inspired to write here. (Also haven't been in a banner-making mood... sorry!)

More explanation, photos, and "writing-it-out" here - http://everygoodandperfect.wordpress.com/2010/05/04/set-your-mind-on-things-above/

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Last Thursday was the last Upstream (EVER) and I'm so glad that I went. Also glad I got a sweet Polaroid shot of All Faith's.

The night was sad and refreshing at the same time.

While we were singing during worship, a lot of things were going on in my head and heart.

Enjoying: singing those songs, in that place, feeling the Spirit bring comfort and reassurance, it was sweet.

Contemplating: praying through how the Lord uses change in our lives - mainly the concept of refinement. I think that he always brings change for a purpose.

Remembering: thinking through all the hard/good/messy times that the Lord wrought in my life through Upstream, and often in All Faith's -- dear sisters fighting to help me believe Truth amidst struggle, prayer team fighting to pray over another Thursday even when the words were hard to gather, me sitting against those wood paneled walls praying for worship "in Spirit and in Truth" and for protection against the Enemy, me praying on that blue-carpeted prayer room alone on many non-Thursdays.

I think it's wrong to give places or ministries or people credit for the Lord's work, but I do think it's valuable to look at those spaces and remember those tangible moments and evidences of God's artful, intricate faithfulness to His children.

I'm thankful for Upstream: for the real-deal friends I grew with there, the Truth that I learned there, and the lessons in prayer that I experienced there. I am thankful that whenever I see All Faith's - whether in person or in my mind or via photo - what I will truly remember is the Lord's utter faithfulness and care during my college years.

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Lord, now indeed I find
Thy pow'r and Thine alone,
Can change the leper’s spots,
And melt the heart of stone.

’Cause Jesus paid it all,
All to Him I owe.
Sin had left a crimson stain,
He washed it white as snow.

Oh, praise the One who paid my debt,
And raised this life up from the dead.

Oh, praise the One who paid my debt,
And raised this life up from the dead.

light and love

found this on flickr... made me sigh. sweet blue skies of hope. rare and wonderful.

Christmas Truth

I was encouraged by two really sweet things from blogs today. I hope you'll slow down and take the time to view these...

* Here's a neat video about Christmas, that tries to reach out and explain the real heartbeat of Christmas, and its history. For me, it was a bonus that the backdrop for the whole video was wonderfully wintry Londontown.

"That's Christmas" by St. Helens on Vimeo

via Life Together


* A Piper sermon on one of my favorite passages.

...

The Life-Giving Words of Jesus

The two verses are John 6:63 and 68. The link between them is that both refer to the words of Jesus as life-giving. Verse 63: “It is the Spirit who gives life; the flesh is no help at all. The words that I have spoken to you are spirit and life.”

Then, after “many of his disciples turned back and no longer walked with him,”

Jesus said to the Twelve, “Do you want to go away as well?” Simon Peter answered him, “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life, 69 and we have believed, and have come to know, that you are the Holy One of God.” (John 6:67-69)

I love these verses so much. I really identify with Peter's sentiment here a lot of times - I'm not sure about everything, but I do know that there's only one place I can go for Truth and grace, and that's sitting with Jesus. Piper expands on this really powerfully...

No One Like Jesus

And for many of us, what keeps us from going to any of these is the same thing that kept Peter. Verse 68: “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life.” In other words, we may not have all the problems solved—the problems of following Jesus and saying yes to his teaching and his Lordship and his saving work. He may confuse us at times, and baffle us with things he says, and provoke us, and offend us.

And yet, we say with Peter, “To whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life.” No one ever spoke like you. No one every acted like you. No was ever so strong and meek, so tough and tender, so authoritative and gentle, so profound and simple, so powerful and so willing to be killed, so just and so willing to be treated unjustly, so worthy of honor and so willing to be dishonored, so deserving of immediate obedience and so patient with people like us, so able to answer every question and so willing to remain silent under abuse, so capable of coming down from the cross in flaming judgment, and so committed not to use that power.

Come Back, Like the Prodigal Son

Where shall we go? There has never been anyone like you, Jesus. No one ever taught like you teach. No one ever loved like you love.

This is how thousands of people come to Christ. Not without tremendous struggles as they look around for a philosophy of life, a god, a world without God, a world without the sovereignty of God, a world with some kind of explanation that makes more sense of more things. And they come back, like the prodigal son, and say, “Where shall we go? You have the words of eternal life.”

Last Christmas, God graciously wrote it on my heart that Christmas means hope.
Against all odds, against all earthly "wisdom," the Father of the Heavenly Lights brings hope - hope wrapped in flesh and blood. Immanuel.

He alone brings the words of eternal life. Why should we turn to anything else?

... I hope that the Lord will keep placing this on my mind this Christmastime.

Everyday waiting

Today I developed 7 rolls of film. As I've begun hoarding film cameras and venturing out more with them, I've been thinking about how (obviously) film involves some type of patience that digital does not. Especially w/ these plastic lensed toy cams, you just don't know what you're going to get, and that's part of the beauty. In life, for me patience usually seems overrated, but today I was reminded (in an everyday way) that waiting is a good thing. I took this picture almost two weeks ago during a super fun lunch break, and had only a hope that it might turn out well. Today when I popped my cd of new pictures in and saw this, I was just so... happy. Something there just makes me lift my shoulders up and in, and sigh, and... relax. Rest. Open up.

{On a slightly related note, I decided to get a flickr account. So, you can now see all my plastic lense adventures @ http://www.flickr.com/photos/lelijo/}

Peace on Earth

I heard the bells on Christmas day

Their old familiar carols play
And mild and sweet the words repeat,
Of peace on earth, good will to men.

I thought how as the day had come,
The belfries of all Christendom
Had roll'd along th' unbroken song
Of peace on earth, good will to men.

And in despair I bow'd my head:
"There is no peace on earth," I said,
"For hate is strong, and mocks the song
Of peace on earth, good will to men."

Then pealed the bells more loud and deep:
"God is not dead, nor doth He sleep;
The wrong shall fail, the right prevail,
With peace on earth, good will to men."

'Til ringing, singing on its way,
The world revolved from night to day,
A voice, a chime, a chant sublime,
Of peace on earth, good will to men!

- Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, first published in 1863

A longing fulfilled

"Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life."
Proverbs 13:12

Today I was rummaging through some files of photos at work, trying to find a good one for our Christmas card. I ran across this one (which was taken by one of my talented coworkers), tweaked it a bit, and was taken aback. It reminded me of this verse, because it looked like a vibrant, thriving tree of life.

God gives us so many longings. And we want them fulfilled so quickly, so specifically. But I think that the longings that we wait for, cry for, and eventually seek to surrender back to the Lord - it's those longings that are so clearly vibrant and sweet when they are fulfilled.

Anyways, I don't know if this image will be on the Christmas card, but it was a good part of my day.

Restoration

This past weekend i got to escape to the country. Our family's farm doesn't boast many luxuries, but I thoroughly enjoy the quiet. the loose schedule. the sleeping in. The space. And... the quiet.

And of course, the people. This is my beautiful sister Melissa (Flo) - the best sister ever - and Rocky - the best dog in the whole world. Have I told you about him before? If so, sorry. He is the best dog in the world because he is even-tempered and tough, gentle and wise. Good with kids, and never snarls - except at coyotes. And he has three legs. And he still runs really fast. And my sister loves him a whole lot. Best dog ever.

This is my momma. She likes to go for walks and look for fossils - we actually find a lot out there. She gets pretty excited about interesting rocks. I love my momma!

That's our lake, or at least that's what we call it. A creek flows into it, and the dam that I was standing on to take this photo creates this huge tank. In the bottom of the photo is the valve for the draw-down - turn the wheel to release some of the water out the other side of the dam - but we only use that if the water is way up and... it hasn't been way up in a while.
One time last spring Garret and I were riding on the 4-wheeler and got to watch a gorgeous sunset from the top of the dam. That was a really peaceful moment.

Speaking of Garret, here he is fishing with my dad (while I play paparazzi).
If you asked me what was the most exciting part of this weekend, I would probably tell you that it was taking engagement pictures with Garret in town and out on the farm. We got to be cuddly and sentimental and goofy, and had a blast - despite the drizzly rain! Our photographers are a lot of fun, and we really enjoyed getting to take photos in neat places like inside the old barn (surrounded by hay, old wood beams, and the occasional hornets' nest) and by the "snake house" chimney. We'll get the pictures back in a couple of weeks, so we're looking forward to that!

All that said, if you asked Garret about this weekend, he would at some point definitely, and excitedly, tell you about all the fish he and my dad caught, which was about 20 each. See, last summer our lake turned over because of a process called eutrofication - which I now better understand because of my job - and that caused a fish kill. All this ironically happened right around the time my dad's mother passed away.
Today, the lake has been restocked, the fish have grown, and Dad and Garret caught some that were more than 2 lb.s - which is way exciting compared to zero fish last fall.
A little glimpse of restoration, I guess.

This is our grandmother, with baby cousin Hannah a few years ago. I was in China when Grandmother died. This picture is how I choose to remember her; she had a sweet spirit, loved the Lord, always had a kind answer, and loved to say the 23rd Psalm. I really enjoy remembering stories about her, both nostalgic and poignantly funny ones. ("Who's that walkin' heavy?")

Saturday afternoon, rambunctious Hannah was playing with my grandmother's walker, which for whatever reason still sits in her old bedroom. Hannah's mom, Jen, explained to her that yes, that used to be Grandmother's, but now she doesn't need it anymore because she's in heaven with Jesus and she can walk just fine. Just fine. My sister and I were in the bathroom working on getting my hair ready for pictures when we overheard this conversation, and I'm really glad we did, because I treasured that reminder.
Thank you Jesus for beautiful hope to rest in now, and for the sure promise of ultimate rest, restoration, and glory.

tangles

Tangled hair, tangled heart and mind - that's me right now. Longing for sweet spiritual saturation and only putting forth 50% effort to grow towards that. MLK's post the other day pushed me towards realizing how much I've been avoiding life-giving things lately.

Everyday I read random blogs that don't really encourage or challenge me, they just distract. Everyday I check the facerbook way too many times. Everyday I read whatever magazines are laying around my room. Everyday I text way too much - avoiding time to sit still and reflect or pray. I've been losing interest in spiritual things that used to help keep me on track, or at least make me think and feel and not just be blank - like music (Sara Groves, Superchic[k], Rita Springer) the Gods Politics blog, memorizing Truth, and reading, whodathought it, the Bible. I've been getting tangled in this sick web of laziness, fear, worry, and regret, with moments of breakdown and redemption mixed in.

Today I was encouraged by Hosea 1. The first few verses discuss Hosea and Gomer's children and their painfully poignant names. Then, in v. 1o, there's a shift, and one gorgeous word that makes me weep: YET. I opened up my Bible to to that one word today and it spoke hope and life. Thank you Jesus for all the trillions of "yet"s that you enabled by your love and grace.

Then... later tonight I was thinking about my recent, obsessive blog reading habits and decided that maybe one step in the right direction would be to find some Christian blogs for women that were both creative and thoughtful, and could hold my attention. So I googled that and lo-and-behold, found one called Tapestry and Father used this post about Mark 5:25-34 (where the diseased woman in the crowd touches Jesus's cloak and is healed) to move me:

This story reminds me to do two things:

1 - reach for Jesus
2 - be brave

... Jesus does not change. He is the same compassionate Savior today. He is a Restorer. And this story encourages me to understand that at the times where I feel like He feels miles away and I feel lonely and hopeless, that perhaps I need to be brave and reach for Him in honest prayer. Even in the midst of my fear and shame.

Other people may fail me. Other people may take advantage, or mock, or be completely apathetic. I may fail myself. Not Jesus. He will not despise us when we reach out for Him.

He calls us daughters.

I needed that instruction, that reminder: drop the screens of fearfulness, and reach out for Jesus with brave hope. So yeah, that's where I am - seeking, finding, reaching, and asking/letting God do the untangling.

Jesus wants the rose. and me. and you.

Things have been rough lately. Lots of struggle. Daily asking God to change my heart. Daily failing in my own flesh. Clinging to hope. And Father is faithful to strengthen and encourage me. While I was at work today, I found these two encouraging things via the Desiring God blog.

- A Conversation with Death on Good Friday
" O death, where is your victory?
O death, where is your sting?
The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law.
But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory
through our Lord Jesus Christ."
1 Corinthians 15:55-57

- Jesus wants the rose
Really sweet Truth, from a Matt Chandler message.