Jesus wants the rose. and me. and you.

Things have been rough lately. Lots of struggle. Daily asking God to change my heart. Daily failing in my own flesh. Clinging to hope. And Father is faithful to strengthen and encourage me. While I was at work today, I found these two encouraging things via the Desiring God blog.

- A Conversation with Death on Good Friday
" O death, where is your victory?
O death, where is your sting?
The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law.
But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory
through our Lord Jesus Christ."
1 Corinthians 15:55-57

- Jesus wants the rose
Really sweet Truth, from a Matt Chandler message.

two two

I turned twenty two today! That's crazy! All in all it was a very fun day: quality time with Garret, fun party time with my roomies and some of my favorite people, ice cream, EA videos, and some dancin.

Me, with my birthday flowers from Mom, leis from the roomies, and silliness from Maggie ;)

I know it's been a while, so here's a brief serious and funny update on my life...

- I graduate in six weeks. This is craziness.
- I need a full-time job in BCS for after graduation.
- I'm struggling with managing my time well, and I've stunk at it for so long that I now have trouble not just resigning myself to the sleep-deprived cycle.
- This video makes me laugh A LOT!!
- I'm procrastinating right now.
- These are some of my new favorite songs: While I'm Waiting by John Waller, Yours by Steven Curtis Chapman, and I Don't Feel Like Dancin by the Scissor Sisters.

Spring Break

I know this is real late, but here's some fun photos from my last Spring Break!

During our roommate weekend extravaganza we had a day at the park and enjoyed playing games, resting in hammocks, and of course swinging on the swings! I love my roomies! After our Shalom Shack Extravaganza weekend, I went home for the rest of the break and enjoyed time with family and friends. It was pretty restful and not too busy.

One night Garret and I, and our BFFS Derek and Kristi all went out fishing at the lake. Me and Kristi were mostly excited. ;)

Friday night Garret and I went out C&W dancing and that was way fun. I had a blast dancing with my man!

My friend from home Lauren, who I've known since kindergarten, got married Saturday. She looked gorgeous! We had a fun time at the wedding. (Above: me, Lauren, Chrissy and Kristi)

Garret and I had a good time at the wedding and enjoyed catching up with old friends.

I also got to see my awesome sister Melissa and her husband Glen. Here they are in their apartment, with a scroll I brought them from EA. I love them a lot :)

{enitnelav}{valentine}

Saturday Garret and I went to Calvert, a neat/dead/quaint town about 30 minutes down the road. We strolled down main street (which is highway 6). We ate amazing food at Loretta's cafe. We read historical/hysterical markers. I ate yummy candies at CocoaModa (Garret was suspicious of that place). We looked at old/neat houses. And we generally enjoyed ourselves - it just quite was a good day!

I bet this house was gorgeous in its day. Garret pointed out how neat the top left window was.

My man :)

We really enjoy all the old buildings in Calvert. They have so much character and history.

We love each other :)

This building is NEAT. It's totally fallen apart and there are trees growing inside of it.

Show and Tell

I've realized lately that I often live my life like a continuous Kindergarten class - I'm almost always playing show and tell.

When someone comes over to our house to visit, I show them things - new creations, photos, books, clothes, etc. Even if the stuff is boring or lame, I have this built-in desire to show people stuff. When I go home to see my family, I bring stuff to show them, and more stuff to work on and produce while I'm there. When my housemates come to my room to chat, I want to show them some new thing that I've got. If I go visit someone and I don't bring anything, it's just me, I feel totally unprepared.

It's like I want to prove something - but what? That I'm a real live girl who's being productive and responsible, and who can make nifty purchases? What does that say about me?

I think that doing this to a degree is normal, but I think I sometimes use these things as shields. Like if I can show my friends and family enough things, then maybe they'll be convinced that I'm competent/okay/together. Maybe they'll think better of me, or maybe they won't question me as much. And I think that personally I link my value to what I can make/buy/do/read.

Just something to think about. Next time I do show and tell for you, please humor me, but also please help me let down my lame-o defensives made of scrapbooks, writing projects, junk and jewelry.

-value-

Where do you get your value from? Where do I get my value from?

.resume?
.weight?
.what your parents say about you?
.grades?
.whether or not that stranger smiled at you?
.what you're wearing?
.completion of tasks?
.what's on your left ring finger?
.compliments?
.possessions?

Whatever value you write on the garage sale tag you've attach to your soul - is that value transient or permanent?
What conditions are there on your worth?
.performance, consistency, appearance, attention, improvement, polished-ness?

And where do we get all of this? Who teaches us that good grades=>valuable human being, or that attention=>wonderful person? And why do we make our self concepts so lazily dependent on the very same lies that shred and cripple us on the inside?

Tonight I was having trouble with a few items on that first list, so I needed to go back to the truth that Father has shown me. After months/years of not understanding this, this is where I've landed...

I am valuable because the One True God made me, loves me unconditionally and unfailingly, offered full redemption to me through His Son, and promises to never forsake me. He values and has compassion on ALL He has created.

{ALL = failures, widows, Asians, untalented, poor, Africans, men, illiterate, women, unemployed, Europeans, criminal, Americans, unattractive, abnormal, exile = ALL}

And, nothing we can do can make Him love us more OR less. Therefore, your value is not negotiable. And neither is mine. God loves unfailingly. period.

"The Lord is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and rich in love. The Lord is good to all; He has compassion on all he has made." Psalm 145:8-9

Ninjas, MIKA, and graduation

As we're finishing up the first week of this semester, here's a random update on me:

• After 6 weeks away from school, numerous souvenirs from overseas, and a general lack of discipline, my room now looks as though several fierce ninjas attacked it. Repeatedly.
  
• I'm taking a graphic design class and I'm excited about it! I'm also taking a class called 'Writing for the Web' - so I'm aiming to really and truly be an English major with marketable skills!
  
• My boyfriend is pretty stinking cool. He quickly forgives me over and over again, makes me laugh, and let's me be crazy :)
• I need to start job hunting. I am finishing putting together my portfolio this week.
  
• Outside of class, I'm currently in the middle of these fiction books - Fireproof, The Inheritance of Loss, and these non-fiction books - The Heavenly Man, True Story: A Christianity Worth Believing in, Celebration of Discipline, The Anti 9-5 Guide.
• My sister Flo gave me a dress form for Christmas. Her name is Betty, and I use her to scare my roommates :)
• My friends Kay and Kristin got me hooked on listening to funky European pop music by this guy MIKA, and it's awesome. My fave song is "Big girl you are beautiful."
• It's so strange that this is my last semester as a college student. I don't feel like an "adult", but I'll count that as mostly a good thing for now.

Last, the thoughts along the same lines as this quote have been on my mind lately...

"Never lose an opportunity of seeing anything that is beautiful; for beauty is God's handwriting -- a wayside sacrament. Welcome it in every fair face, in every fair sky, in every fair flower, and thank God for it as a cup of blessing." -Ralph Waldo Emerson